Zigismunda formosa (melannen) wrote,
Zigismunda formosa

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your Epiphany meditation

Poll #902312 We had a substitute pastor today, and he brought up some interesting theological questions.

If John the Baptist were alive today, would he have a cell phone?

No, dude. A cell phone? He was homeless. And he ate bugs.*
Fo' shizzle! Yahya tha Bippy had a posse, yo!**
Are you kidding? He'd have his own basic cable show.***
Queen Herry kept giving him one (with her number already programmed, natch) but whenever she asked why he never called, he said he accidentally dropped it in the river and it shorted out. Which is why she got in a snit and had him killed. Obviously.****

*Yes, yes, I know, the locusts were probably actually the fruits of the carob tree, not the swarmy crawly things with eyes. But the honey was probably actually honeydew, which is even closer to being bug pee than *normal* honey, so it evens out.

**I have been giving the people in my Sunday School coloring pictures brown skin for a long time now.***** One of the kids called me on it today for the first time, and said Jesus and Mary were white, and when I asked him why, he said, well, for one thing, they always are in every picture he'd ever seen of them. I hope I managed to both teach him a little about the limits of race and teach him to think twice about things that are just "always" without, you know, confusing him even further. (At least he wasn't bored!)
Besides, we don't have any peach markers left.

***Actually, hasn't he been on the Report yet? Stephen should totally invite him if he hasn't.

****Well, it's a better explanation than the one in Matthew, anyway! And I've read some interesting Biblical analyses which point out that Christ, and the early Church, and probably John too, were bankrolled largely by wealthy widows.

*****I also colored my Temple all bright and stripy today. I'm on a one-woman mission to remind people that all those old ruins used to be painted! Pretty colors! Because they were. And then maybe it'll catch on and when I do my house all frescoes and murals the neighbors won't complain.
Tags: church, polls

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