Zigismunda formosa (melannen) wrote,
Zigismunda formosa
melannen

META on META

... I am going to get around to answering all the comments on my last post. I am! I swear! I ...

dammit, I always do this. I write something elaborate up, I go comment-whoring like a good little fangirl, and then when the comment-whoring actually *bears fruit* I cannot deal.

... well, you didn't come to online fandom expecting everyone to be socially functional, did you? Why do I do this to myself?

Actually, it kind of reminds me of the OSC quote I had on my door when I lived in the Writer's House, the one about how writers, in order to succeed, have to, simultaneously, believe that they're the most brilliant thing since Aristophanes, and believe that they totally suck and should hide in the sewers. (er, possibly that was somewhat paraphrased.) Because, see, I can get up the courage to *post* by convincing myself that nobody will care or even notice that I posted. And then I can get up the courage to link around to it, by convincing myself that I'm totally brilliant and of course everybody needs to see it! It's just that when it comes to actually *carrying through*, I get the two beliefs mixed up and end up driving around town for forty-five minutes getting gloriously lost and singing along to Reba McIntyre songs instead. (And, y'know, totally vidding S1 John/Atlantis to "The Thunder Rolls" in my head.)

Plus, of course, there's the period in between when I post, and when I actually start getting comments, when I'm convinced I *do* suck, and I'm really incredibly nervous, so of course I go looking for comfort!fic, and then I get into it, and four days later I emerge from my fog of old Eroica 'zine stories unable to vocalize anything except "dorian red gloria" over and over on repeat, and discover that I have *thirty* incredibly insightful comments to reply to with equal insight when all I really want to do, deep in my id, is go on quixotically looking for the "Eroica wakes up straight" story that must exist somewhere. ... right?

***

MEANWHILE, BACK ON THE FARM:
the circle of life continues. I wrote a post that was sparked by something strongplacebo had to say, and then stellar_dust posted The "male gaze," feminism, and slash in the Daily Show sparked by what I said, and then fandrogyny sparked from it to Can Republicans be slashers? So at lesat I've managed to get some discussion going, even if I'm clearly incompetent to lead it myself!

...also apparently my meta makes people think of political smut, and what better panegyric can one ask for? (Hot, young, waay out of date John Kerry icon just for ya'll, before I go find those strips about male gaze instead.)
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